so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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