Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
