About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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