Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
