He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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