She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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