I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
