I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
