She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
