he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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