If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
