he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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