just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize