So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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