God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
