I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
