A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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