You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
