So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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