youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
