plz talk dirty to me
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
