We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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