My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
