I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
