There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
foreskin is a definite game changer
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
