she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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