Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
