im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
