I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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