there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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