i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
