I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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