Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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