You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
