If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
