bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
