My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
