so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
