i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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