If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize