I am puke
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
