whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
