dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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