We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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