I bet he comes in French.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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