I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
