My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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