Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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