upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
