He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
True college students do jello shots in the library
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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