honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
