yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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