I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
