the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
