OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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