just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
