I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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