i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We don't watch enough power rangers
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
