We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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