Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
