Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
