I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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