32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
