Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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