does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
