if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
