And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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