going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
