I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
