I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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