using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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