Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
