His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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