Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
