There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As shirtless as possible
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize