very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
