hotel room ftw
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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