remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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