well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
