Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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