I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
