it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
